I am a perfectionist. And I admit it. How about you?
It’s a good thing, right? Don’t we all know the stories about world-known artists, successful entrepreneurs and inventors, or sports’ biggest stars who have only achieved what they have because they dedicate everything to their success, and obsess about every detail to ensure perfect results? That’s the essence of perfectionism, isn’t it?
Turns out, it’s not that simple. It’s fascinating how perfectionism is looked at in our high-performance society. A society that breeds and idolizes perfectionists. Ask a bunch of (usually self-declared) graduate high-performers in a job-interview about their biggest “weakness”. Chances are a majority will respond “I am a perfectionist”. They pick this answer not because they think it’s a real weakness, but because they think it’s an acceptable way to disguise a strength as a weakness, to avoid coming up empty in that “weakness” department. With a bit more work experience people usually realize perfectionism isn’t all glory, but comes at a price, primarily in the form of extralong working hours. But that’s a price most highly successful people who consider their perfectionism a secret sauce to their success, are willing to pay. And they will continue to humblebrag about it. Being a perfectionist is an overachiever’s signature trait, after all.
But is it? Is it really a strength disguised as a weakness? Or is it rather a weakness, glorified as a strength? Let’s have a closer look.
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword
On the positive side of perfectionism is “pursuit of excellence”. Perfectionists go above and beyond for superior results, and they usually deliver nothing less. When combined with talent, skills, energy, and commitment, it’s indeed a high-potent cocktail for high performance. The personal lure underlying perfectionism is getting to feel competent, in control, and able to meet our own highest expectations. The external payoff is earning a reputation of being excellent in what we do, reliable, and thorough. Pursuit of excellence is the aspect of perfectionism that should be celebrated and idolized. But it’s only one side of the coin. There are downsides to perfectionism, too. And they can, and likely will stand in the way of success after all.
There are 3 key problems with perfectionism (and likely more…)
1. Bringing things to perfection costs too much time
How much time we need for any type of piece of work is defined largely by experience, focus, and our drive for perfection. While experience and focus both work in favor of shortening the required time, perfectionism obviously doesn’t. Instead, it leads to reviewing and revising things over and over again. As long as we have enough time, or can make time, to live out our inner perfectionist, we might be fine. But for most of us, time is a scarce resource, and continually making (more) time for perfecting things is likely not a sustainable habit for a balanced life.
Revising things for the umpteenth time to achieve presumably “perfect” results will likely make the perfectionist feel better. But it is certainly debatable if the last iterations really moved the needle in terms of making things better. Chances are other people won’t even notice the difference. At some point “done” is simply better than “perfect”.
The Pareto-Principle, also called the “80/20-rule”, tells us we achieve roughly 80% of the result with only 20% of the input. Every additional effort to reach the perfectionist’s goal of 100% (or even more) requires an over-proportional amount of time on the input-side. The result: perfectionists are at a high risk of being chronically stressed, a) because they are constantly short on time for what they have to do, and b) because they are consistently unhappy as they rarely ever get to the perfect results they aim for. When time and resources are limited, perfectionism is a safe road to chronic stress, and quite possibly eventually burnout. The return on (time) investment for perfectionism, measured in reward and recognition, is bad, simple as that.
2. Perfection is an illusion that creates stagnation
The second problem with perfectionism is linked to its roots. In psychology, perfectionism is considered an inner driver that some of us develop as children, as a strategy to get attention, praise, and love from people important to us. The according experiences can result in the deep-rooted belief that if we make a mistake, people will think less of us. Some of those affected develop fear of failure, and an anxiety about being judged. It’s essentially a self-esteem-issue, thinking we are less acceptable when what we do is not perfect, or when we aren’t perfect. Some perfectionists even imagine catastrophic consequences if they make mistakes or deliver something imperfect – although none of those imagined catastrophic consequences would ever pass the test of reality. This belief, if strongly developed, can in turn lead to harmful behavior well into our adult life. Watch out for avoidance and procrastination. Unless a perfectionist is sure about his or her ability to deliver perfect results, he or she may hold back, deciding not to take the risk of putting something out there. Or he or she may continue to delay dealing with an idea, or a task out of fear of being “exposed” with something that doesn’t live up to his or her own expectations. Perfectionism can hence also be seen as a coping mechanism to avoid vulnerability. The result: missing out on experiences, learning, and opportunities in life.
3. Aiming for perfection can hurt leadership effectiveness and relationships at work
There is a risk that as a perfectionist, we are not only holding ourselves to the highest standards, but applying them to others as well. This is particularly critical in a leadership role, as our team’s performance will reflect on us. Unless we are managing only other perfectionists, this will likely lead to frustration on all sides. Direct reports will (almost) never be able to live up to our expectations, leaving them frustrated because of a lack of recognition, or even poor performance ratings. And we will never be satisfied with the quality delivered from our team, potentially leading us to micromanage, or to take on more work ourselves. Most certainly not a recipe for success as a leader, but harmful for both relationships and our reputation at work.
What can – and should – we do about perfectionism?
We can’t just fix it, or simply get over it. There is no switch to turn it on and off as desired. But we can learn and develop. The key question: How to keep the good, the pursuit of excellence, while getting rid of the bad aspects, i.e. the extra-long working hours, and possibly missing out on learning and opportunities?
Here are five steps to do just that.
1. See through the dynamic
First, understand what mechanisms are at play in your mind when it comes to your drive to be perfect. Ask yourself…
- Why is perfection so important to you? What is the reward you expect?
- What do you sacrifice for your perfectionism? How does this affect you?
- Is it worthwhile, objectively?
- What do you think will happen to you, your career, your life, when things aren’t always as perfect as you’d like them to be?
- How do you feel about your work, and about yourself, when you can’t live up to your expectations? Do you ruminate about mistakes, and beat yourself up? If yes, how much does this add to your stress-level?
- Can you think of situations when your desire for perfection has stopped you from doing something, trying something new, or putting an idea out there? How has this affected you, your career, your sense of achievement and happiness?
If you conclude that you pursue excellence without the negative elements of perfectionism, great. But if you see some of the bad stuff at play, please keep reading.
2. Shift your mindset
Just telling yourself, or any perfectionist, to embrace 80/20, won’t work. Settling for 80% would always feel kind of wrong and insufficient to a perfectionist, despite knowing better.
We can’t remedy a problem driven by inner beliefs on the behavioral level. To let go of perfectionism, any effective change needs to start with changing the belief that nurtures it.
Some perfectionists may hold the belief that mistakes make them look stupid, or less worthy. Some may believe they are only in control of their lives, or deserve success, when they aim for perfection. None of these beliefs is helpful, let alone grounded in facts. But they still feel real, and we hold on to them.
Changing beliefs is tough. But it’s not impossible. Mental training techniques building on reflection, visualization, and imagination in a relaxed state of mind have proven effective in re-programming inner beliefs and drivers. It’s amazing what pictures and thoughts our brain fabricates when guided through this, and how things fall into place afterwards. Once our mindset shifts and our prior belief is replaced with a healthier version, our behavior will change as well, almost automatically.
3. Pick your battles
When in rehab for perfectionism, you don’t need to go cold turkey.
Perfectionists feel the need to over-deliver, in every project, in every area of life, every time. Their work is always flawless, their house meticulously clean and organized, their wardrobe sorted by colors, their performance in sports perfected by trackers and customized gear, their lawn trimmed to perfection… the list goes on.
If there is a moment when “perfection” really counts, like an opportunity at work to present yourself, e.g. a pitch for winning a new customer, or a presentation to the Board of your company, it’s ok go all in, even if you spend more hours to prepare than necessary. After all, you want to deliver excellence, and these moments will define future success. But our days are mostly filled with less decisive moments and tasks. To let go of perfectionism, start in those areas that come with no risk of harming your career, your reputation, or how other people look at you. Making the experience that there are barely any negative consequences, if any, will further weaken the old belief that pushed you to perfectionism in the first place.
Decide which situations count enough to give them 100% and more of your effort, even if they cost you a lot of extra time. In all other areas, cut yourself some slack.
4. Learn the difference between “excellence” and “perfection”
Even when you decide to go all the way with your efforts to deliver best possible results in moments that count, still learn when it’s time to stop. Perfection is an illusion anyway. It’s excellence you want to be known for. The difference, however, is not about lowering your standards. It’s about knowing when further effort will not make things better in a decisive way. Perfection means throwing more time into something that doesn’t pay an adequate return. Excellence is investing exactly the right amount of time to get the reward you want.
5. Embrace an “agile” working style.
New Work is changing the way we work at many levels, and working “agile” is a hallmark of it many companies are implementing these days. One of the key ideas of agile working techniques like scrum: work towards an MVP (a minimal viable product), test it with your customers, then further refine it until it best meets customer expectations.
An MVP is a perfectionist’s nightmare. By definition, it’s far from perfect. It’s the exact opposite of how a perfectionist functions: keep working on something until it is – presumably – perfect before it’s subjected to the eyes of anybody else. Hence the procrastination and holding back outlined above.
Embracing “agile” as a working style literally forces you to overcome this habit. Instead, you learn to fail forward in style, making you change the way you look at mistakes. In an agile setting – and anywhere else, in fact, mistakes don’t make you less worthy, nor will they prevent you from being successful. They are a prerequisite for success. As LeBron James, one of the most successful basketball-players of our times, puts it in his “Wisdom” series on the meditation app Calm: “Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s the path to success”.
If you truly embrace this idea, together with the steps outlined above, you are no longer a perfectionist. You have found the path to delivering excellence, without the downsides of perfectionism.
I have always been a perfectionist, at least when it came to education and work. But I am working on it, and I am improving, day by day. And because of that, I finish this article now. Although I might want to tweak that one paragraph above, or maybe I can think of a 6th step to… NO, I will not! It’s time to move on to other projects and leave this blog-article as is. I hope you have enjoyed reading it and feel inspired to think about what perfectionism means to you, and how you can hold on to the pursuit of excellence, but not letting the downsides of perfectionism stress you out, or hold you back.
If you are interested to learn how mental training can help you change inner beliefs and tame down drivers, just reach out. Working on perfectionism, and other inner drivers, is part of the BetterBraincare portfolio, e.g. in the Training “Build your Resilience”, and in the “Back-to-Balance-Coaching”.
Sources and further reading
Boyes, A. (2018), How Perfectionists Can Get Out of Their Own Way, Harvard Business Review, April 2, 2018
Boyes, A. (2020), Don’t Let Perfection Be the Enemy of Productivity, Harvard Business Review, March 3, 2020
Hoyal, L. (2020), Perfectly Imperfect, Business Spotlight 4/2020
Knight, R. (2019), How to Manage Your Perfectionism, Harvard Business Review, April 29, 2019
Lau, B. (1990), The energy drain of perfectionism, Management Quarterly, Spring 1990, Vol. 31 Issue 1
McBain, S. (2018), The new cult of perfectionism, New Statesman, May 2018.
Ramirez Basco, M. (1999), The „Perfect“ Trap, Psychology Today, May/June 1999
Swider, B. et al. (2018), The Pros and Cons of Perfectionism, According to Research, Harvard Business Review, December 27, 2018